Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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