Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
