Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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