i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
