i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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