May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
