yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I deserve this hangover.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize