Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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