At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
