We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
