Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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