Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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