Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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