Apparently you make a good broom.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
