Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
