Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
