college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have aggressive nipples.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
