nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
