No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
