My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
