All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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