i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
