i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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