i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
