At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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