walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
