The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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