cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
