i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
