How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he wants to bone in the snuggie
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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