cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
