I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
