Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
