I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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