Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
