I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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