I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize