Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
