If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
