I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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