My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
