my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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