does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
false alarm. still invincible.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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