Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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