Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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