I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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