To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
