im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i came on her dog
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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