I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
