Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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