Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
