'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
