You're my little dorito
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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