my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
