is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
