Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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