I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm getting married
To pizza
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
