I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
