I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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