God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
