I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
