i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
