i think my tv is drunk
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
