I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
