i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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