So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
