just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
