Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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