I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
