Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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