It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
