i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Randomize
